Did you get home from a date only to discover that your fly was down the entire time or that you had a piece of the broccoli you ate at dinner stuck in your teeth? Even worse, did your date escape out of a bathroom window and leave you without a ride, or did he turn out to be a convicted felon? Most everyone has had a date that was a bit awkward, embarrassing, or just all-around bad. Here are highlights from some supremely horrible dates:
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THE STORIES:
“Thanks to early online dating I’ve had a few crazy dates. So, this cute guy picked me up at my place and we headed to his favorite hangout place. I don’t drink, so sat on a bench with him outside as he smoked. Then, this car came flying up. It stopped right in front of us and a woman jumped out. She started screaming, “James! I know you see me!” I was scared, and my date’s like, “Oh god.” She continued screaming and swinging her purse around. “You jerk! You stole my car when you were supposed to be watching the kids!” When she started to hit him, I ran inside the bar. It turns out it was his older sister. He left her kids alone, stole her car, and took me out on a date. She called her parents and started to cry. I overheard that her eldest child called her scared and crying. I called a friend to pick me up. James sent me a message a few days later asking for a do-over. Nope.”———-
“I was on a date with a Marine who brought me down to his mom’s basement and had me read the essay about “My Rifle” in his USMC yearbook. He made me read it out loud while he pounded beers. That was…strange. No second date there, unless you count the time he came to my house, because he felt like seeing me. I wasn’t home, so he went to a friend’s house where I was. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave with him immediately. I opted out. He was taken away by the cops for that.”
-N., Ohio
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): Oh… wow. Having been an active duty Marine myself, I am familiar with the “Rifleman’s Creed”: “This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life…” It’s a motivating creed… for MARINES!!! I can’t believe he had you read it. Your date sounds like an excerpt from a comedy movie. As for the second “date”– I can’t say much about that besides, “I’m sorry” on behalf of all Marines.
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“On a first (and last) date a guy went into great details about his brother-in-law’s low sperm count and everything that he was doing to try and change it. Seriously, I only asked if he had any nieces or nephews.”
“I was introduced to a guy through friends who were in college. I was 17 and a senior. He was dreamy, and we had a lot in common.
He picked me up, was well dressed, and was on time. My parents loved him. He took me to a cute little dowtown area a few towns over and we had dinner at a 50’s diner. We walked to grab coffee a block down. We were talking away — it was perfect.
On the way home, it hit me: food poisoning!!!! We were just minutes away from my house, but I had to have him pull over on the side of a major freeway while I puked my guts out. Horrible and embarassing. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, especially at the age of 17.
He was really sweet. He apologized a lot and felt awful for taking me there. He called to check on me and asked me out again for a ‘do-over’. We ended up dating for several years.”
-Laura California
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): Oh shoot! I was waiting for the, “and then he asked me to marry him at that same diner a year later!” That’s alright– it was a good story, anyway. I can’t imagine how much you probably wanted to crawl into a hole the second the first drop of puke exited your mouth (ew… that was really gross — I apologize!) Way to get the guy anyway. You must be REALLY pretty!
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“While still in high school I went out on a date with this guy I’d been interested in. He drove a van, but seeing as how I was in the high school party-girl phase of teenagedom, I didn’t see it as creepy as I do now. Me, him, and a bunch of his friends went out to this old abandoned missile silo to drink beers. Skip ahead a few hours– we’re driving back to town and I’m telling him my plans of graduation and college, etc. He said something to the effect of, “You shouldn’t be making these plans because you’re going to die tonight.” He slammed on his brakes. He was threatening to kill me!?!?! I reached for the door handle and started to scream when he said he was just kidding and commenced driving again. WTF? That’s not funny!
Needless to say, we didn’t have a second date. I don’t recall going on ANY dates for a long time after that mess.
Also, I may have peed a little when he said that.”
-Anonymous
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): That’s absolutely ridiculous! I’m glad you didn’t give him the time of day after that. Maybe it’ll make him grow up a bit… or not. Your story made me go from feeling suspense, to being frightened for you, to being irritated at that idiot, to feeling sorry for you, to laughing because you peed in your pants!! It wasn’t the fact that you peed because you were scared that was funny, it was the way you wrote it at the end. Glad you got out of that situation!
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“When I was 17–just before I met my husband–I started seeing a guy. We ended up hanging out pretty late and picked up fast food on the way home. He was smoking, so the windows were down. When he was finished, he flicked the cigarette out the window and it went over the top of the car and in MY window… and down the back of my pants. So, I had a hot, still lit cigarette burning my ass. I screamed for him to pull over. When I tried to pull my pants down, I kicked the two sodas all over the floor of his car. He pulled in to a parking lot and I ran out and ripped my pants down and shook the cigarette out. All of a sudden I look up and realized that the parking lot he pulled into housed the fire station. Thankfully, no one was outside to see me do my pants on fire dance. We never went out again, and I started dating my now-husband about a week after.”
-Nicole, New York
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): Your story cracked me up!! First of all, that must have been MISERABLE, but it really makes for a funny story. I can just imagine it going down your pants, you realizing it, and then tearing the car apart from the inside out trying to wiggle it out. Did it leave a scar?
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“I met a handsome guy and we danced the night away at my favorite (at that time) nightclub. He was gorgeous and even treated all my girlfriends and I to breakfast. He called a few days later and wanted to see me again. I met him at a local coffee shop and over a latte and strawberry scone just to find out that this jerk only wanted to sell me AMWAY!!!!!”
-Teresa, Kansas
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): Haha! Did you buy any?
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“I went on one date with this guy. He was just…weird. He’s a chef, and he spent a lot of the time talking about how his goal is to make food that would make people’s poop blue. He discussed it in length while we drank milkshakes. It wasn’t my worst date, but probably the weirdest.”
-Stefanie, Utah
A Message from Darcy (FitFoodieMom): So… have you stayed in contact and has he met his goal? 😉
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I’d love to do more “Worst Dates Ever!” editions. If you have a “bad date” story, please email me at FitFoodieMom@gmail.com!
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