Military Wife, Military Life
When Darcy approached me about writing about my life as a military spouse and a mother of a young daughter, I wasn’t sure what I would talk about. Many days I feel like my life is just like all the other “civilian” wives and stay-at-home moms out there- my husband goes to work, I take care of our daughter, we take care of our home, and we take care of each other.
But then he deploys to some far away and freakin’ scary place, and I’m reminded that my life is sometimes different. Not that I want to elicit pity from anyone because I am well aware that I am not the only person who lives this life, and some other milspouses (the cool kids term for military spouses) have it much harder than I do. But sometimes it flat out sucks. And I’m going to tell you why.
Bye-bye, Daddy!
For one, you are by yourself. Whether you have kids or not, nights are lonely. For some reason the house that never made a noise when he was home starts to make you think you are in the Shining. On top of that, everything is on you- the bills, the house/car maintenance, the kids and their one billion activities- and you’re expected to handle it all with a smile on your face and without letting him know how crazy you feel.
There are days when you feel like a single parent. You can’t get a hold of him for thoughts on what to do with your infant who won’t sleep at night or for your teenager who is acting out. You have to be mom and dad for 6 months to a year (or more). If an emergency happens, you can’t call him to hold your hand or your child’s hand when you/they are scared. And what’s probably worse is that he feels trapped because he can’t be there for you and your children, too.
Some days you simply sit by the phone or glued to the television because something happened near where he is stationed. You wait for the doorbell to ring and see two men in uniform to tell you your husband, your children’s father, isn’t coming home. You imagine all the scenarios of what you’re going to do and how you’d ever get through it. If you’re lucky, you will never get that knock on the door and your phone will soon ring with his voice on the other line.
You’re probably wondering why in God’s name someone would want this life. Or maybe you’re one of those people that are thinking, “You knew what you were getting into when you married him.” No matter which person you are, or maybe you’re both of them, I can tell you one thing: It is all worth it.
It’s worth it for a few reasons. One is the sense of pride your spouse has in the job he does. He is self-sacrificing for something that is bigger than himself and even bigger than his family. He will miss us and sometimes, yes, he will hate his job but at the end of the day we can all say with a huge amount pride that he is a United States Marine. He is selfless in his every day work, and that says something about his character.
As the spouse of a service member, you will have some of the worst days of your life simply because of your husband’s job. But you will also have the best. You will make the most amazing friends who understand you and what you’re dealing with better than anyone else. You will tear up when you hear the National Anthem played, and you will out right cry when you see your husband saluting in his uniform. You will understand the pain of hearing the 21 Gun Salute and seeing a flag-draped coffin even if you never have to experience it yourself, simply because you’ve had the same fear. You will have a fierce connection with every other military spouse you come across, and you will have strangers help you on the side of the road simply because they see that red or blue sticker on your windshield.
On top of all those things, the one thing that really makes it all worth it is the homecoming. It is the day every.single.milspouse dreams of while her husband is gone. We make signs, we carefully pick out outfits, and we literally count down the minutes until we get to see them again. Watching them get off the plane, come into the hanger in formation, or come down that ramp off the ship is the most amazing, breathtaking experience in the entire world. In all honesty, it makes every crappy day a milspouse experiences totally worth it.
WELCOME HOME, DADDY!
Perhaps it is because we know that we could have been one of the wives who didn’t get to see her husband come home that way. Maybe it’s because we understand that he knew there was a chance he wouldn’t come home, but he went anyways. Homecoming days are amazing because we understand what we could have lost.
If I could trade my husband’s job for one where he was home every single day, I wouldn’t do it. I am proud of my Marine, and I am proud to wear the badge of milspouse.
Lauren Lomsdale is the proud wife of a United States Marine, and a sister of a US Army soldier. She is a stay-at-home mom to one spunky two-year old, as well as the creator of Barefoot and Boots, a site dedicated to sharing her story of being a military wife and a mother.
She currently is a contributing writer to the Homefront United Network and the director of a mom’s day out program for other military spouses.
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