OK, so this is WAY outside my prudish limits, but I just had to talk about this, because I’m highly intrigued!
I had my second baby 4 months ago. I had him naturally, not because I was trying to prove anything, but because I progressed too quickly. Toward the end of my natural birth, I experienced no pain at all, but there was nothing pleasurable about it. I figured it was just God having mercy on me by allowing my adrenaline to take over. The thought of it being an orgasmic experience was not even CLOSE to coming to mind for me! I can’t even fathom it. My mind is still spinning, actually.
“People see ‘birth’ and ‘orgasmic’ together on paper, and it pushes all their buttons on sexuality,” -Interview with Fox News, Debra Pascali-Bonaro.
Hit the nail on the head, there, Debra!
Let me give you your first taste of what some of these “HAHA!-I-had-an-orgasm-during-childbirth-and-you-were-in-pain” women are saying (I bolded the parts that blew my mind):
“My body told me to squat, so I did. I hunkered down on two feet, concentrating, knowing without being told that millions of females before me had brought their babies into the world in this ordained position. It felt so deliciously comfortable to squat; I felt the baby move down. Come…COME… COMMMMME!
It was then I began to scream, but not with pain – with joy. With release. I felt an enormous all-body orgasm as I bore down, again, and again, and again, crying out with lust and happiness. The baby was coming, and so was I. I pushed an enormous last push with every fiber of my being; the head and shoulders appeared. By then I was sobbing. I reached under the baby’s armpits and pulled out…a child. A living, breathing infant…born perfect. Perfectly beautiful. My daughter.”
-From Awakening, by Jen Bradley
I can only identify with three things Ms. Bradley said, “scream,” “sobbing,” and that her child was “beautiful”. Your squat felt “deliciously comfortable“? REALLY, LADY?! Deliciously? Blows my mind. I’m pretty sure I didn’t have the option to jump off my hospital bed and squat, but I guess I didn’t ask! I could barely stand the feeling of pulling my knees up while laying down, let alone getting on to my feet. How did she not fall on her back from the pain? Oh yeah, she wasn’t in pain. She must do yoga, because Lord knows I couldn’t have squat without a human-sized C-clamp holding me in place.
Some of the aspects I noticed that many, if not most, of these women had in common is that they were squatting, they birthed naturally (without drugs), they were away from a doctor — having the baby alone or with a few other people (husband, midwife, etc.), and they felt “secure” with the process.
…Ok… um… secure? Here’s what I thought when I went into birth both times: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG! I DON’T WANT A C-SECTION! WHY DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS?! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WORST PAIN IN MY LIFE! I can’t imagine what else I’d be thinking if I didn’t have an all-knowing staff of doctors nearby.
Ok, fine… so maybe those thoughts were what kept me away from the erotic, orgasmic experience, but I STILL have my doubts.
“…It may even be that many women have orgasms during birth, but interpret them as pain because the sensations are more intense than anything previously experienced and because women are conditioned to expect pain.’” -From The Home School Challenge, by Donn Reed
Ok, Mr. Reed — speaking from experience, right? So, you’re pretty much saying it’s painful. If an intense orgasm feels like pain, it’s still painful, right? AM I RIGHT?! (Caveat: That was a quote from “The Home School Challenge”? Interesting…)
“I think that in time, it will become more commonplace. Little by little, our culture is ridding itself of the fear, shame, and guilt that keep many of us from experiencing sex – let alone birth – as orgasmic. Perhaps someday, if we can fully accept our sexual natures, more of us will be able to know the joy that the[se] women have known.” –Orgasmic Childbirth, by Laura Shanley
Nope, Laura, I’m not sure that’s gonna happen. I had none of the shame or guilt that Laura spoke of, but I darn sure had FEAR! How could you not have fear when (1) so many things can go wrong, and (2) a human being is being shoved out of you full-force? I guess I just can’t see the connection between “knowing our sexual natures” and childbirth. Got it — we were impregnated due to the result of our sexual nature, but having a baby is sexual? I’m trying to keep an open mind, but I just don’t see it that way… yet, at least.
So, I guess it’s just not in the cards for me! What about you?
JOIN THE CONVERSATION:
If you’re willing to join the racy conversation, please add your thoughts below. Have you experienced this? Do you believe people experience it? Do you think you can alter your mind to make yourself experience it? I’d love to hear!
If you want to read a ton of quotes like the ones above, click on the first link below.
Resources:
Unassisted Childbirth: Orgasmic Childbirth by Laura Shanley
Fox News: Some women can have orgasm during childbirth, study suggests, by Stephanie Pappas
Related articles
- Orgasms During Childbirth Are Real, Study Suggests (axsysmag.com)
- Yes! Orgasms During Birth Are Real, Study Suggests (livescience.com)
- Survey Finds Proof of Orgasms During … Childbirth (newser.com)
- Women Having Orgasms While In Labor… (purposegiven.wordpress.com)
- Childbirth Orgasms? Some Women Are Able to Experience Ecstatic Birth [VIDEO] (medicaldaily.com)
- Orgasmic Child Birth: More Mothers Experience Orgasms During Delivery (hngn.com)
Two babies, drug free, and there was no orgasmic anything…just a lot of screaming and moaning…and both were by choice….but I must say, my first was quicker than my second, and there was squatting….I used the squat bar attachment to the bed…bet you didn’t know there was that! I also sat on a balance ball shaped like a peanut…I wish I did use the squat bar with number two, maybe things would have gone faster…number one was pushed out in 10 minutes, number two took close to an hour of pushing.
I can’t believe your second took longer than your first! Benson was a lot faster than Cora. And, you are right… I had no idea about the squat bar! I was barely admitted before he popped out, so I didn’t have time to look around. 🙂
4 natural births, two at home. Not orgasmic for me either. I also work as a birth doula so, I’m around very hippie crunchy birthing folk all the time. I think, seriously this is just my opinion/guess, that its one of those things you have to be open to and search out, research prior. Very similar to Hypo Birthing. A painless, trance-like state doesn’t necessarily come naturally for most, so those women doing Hypno study and practice throughout pregnancy. Orgasmic birth, is not something I’m interested in. My births were wonderful and empowering and overwhelming, and I wouldn’t change them.
My big take away from your blog is FEAR. Because I do what I do (doula work) it makes me so sad to hear that you and a lot of women these days fear birth. The fact is, birth is safe. Yes, things can go wrong but the chances of those things (in a low risk pregnancy) are pretty slim. But when they do, we have life saving techniques. It’s just sad that in today’s world the US has the highest maternal and infant mortality rate in industrialized countries. Its because those life savings techniques get applied to everyone and we practice CYA medicine. Those techniques have consequences for a healthy pregnancy. This is what is driving more and more women to birth centers, to midwives, to home births. They want their safe birth, away from the intervention happy hospitals. In lots of other countries it is the norm to see a midwife and only get referred to an OB or perinatal specialist *if* you develop some sort of high risk issue. Feeling safe with your care providers and trusting your body and not fearing labor and birth, actually decreases pain. Fear creates tension and tension creates more pain. Fear and tension release adrenaline into your body. Adrenaline actually inhibits oxytocin, the hormones that causes contractions (and released during orgasm and breastfeeding, the “love” hormone). When contractions slow, then endorphins (the body’s natural pain relief, think “runners high”) are no longer made. So contractions feel more painful and anxiety ramps up.
All of this is to say… that while I personally did not aim for or was interested in an orgasmic birth, I think there are great possibilities when you take fear out of birth. If you don’t get those fight or flight hormones and your labor and birth is undisturbed, I can see the potential for ecstasy. Your oxytocin and endorphin levels are super high and in an undisturbed labor (say at home) you can be more tuned into your body and do what its telling you to do as far as positioning… physiologically speaking I can see the possibility.
Okay… /rant! 🙂
Thank you so much for that excellent take, Bethany! It’s nice to hear from a doula. I think you are SO right about the fear aspect and the fact that if you are at home, or someplace where you have other positioning options, you would definitely have the ability to take some of the fear out and bring a little more comfort in. In labor, I do remember being very uncomfortable and wanting to move from my bed position, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t allowed off the bed, and I also wasn’t exactly sure what would have felt better. I guess that’s the advantage to having a doula, right? If I have another child, at least I’ll be open to new possibilities. I’m pretty sure we’re done, though. Joel would tell you we ARE done! 🙂 Thanks again for your educated input!