The Superwoman Complex was a term coined for women who feel that they must do everything for everyone! It’s derived from the term, Superwoman Syndrome, created by Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz who wrote the book, The Superwoman Syndrome, published in 1984. I haven’t read the book, but it sounds like a winner! The front of the book has my name written all over it. It says: “For women trying to do it all – how to decide what’s important in your life and do it well.” Do it well? SIGN ME UP!
Who can relate?
I have two kids: a 20-month-old and a 2-month-old. These two munchkins take enough energy as it is! Why, then, do I feel like I always need to be doing more, more, MORE?!
I want to make my own curtains, paint and distress furniture, make gourmet meals for my husband, constantly vacuum, reorganize my closet, and wash all of the windows inside and out…. I want to work-out for at least an hour a day, be part of 4 different mom’s groups, host get-togethers for my neighborhood, pluck my eyebrows, do my nails, write “Thank You” notes to everyone who smiles at me, and polish my stainless steel… UGH!
There isn’t enough time in the day, nor energy in my body to do everything for everyone all of the time.
I wish I had the solution to feeling content with what I am able to do with my time. I wish my mind wasn’t constantly conjuring up new projects for me to do. I wish I didn’t feel like I had to be a know-it-all in every subject (but, that’s nice, isn’t it?).
This is enlightening: I don’t! I don’t have to do everything for everyone all of the time, and no one (but ME) expects me to. I think this overwhelming feeling of wanting to do more, be cleaner, be more creative, be more domestic, be more corporate, etc. is familiar to all moms. Is it possible to ever feel like you are doing enough?
We place way to much stress upon ourselves, while other mom’s look at us wishing they could be more like us, have it more together… just as we look at them. It isn’t others who are placing unrealistic standards on us — WE are the ones doing it to ourselves! How can we become more content?
I took Shaevitz’ advice from that sentence on the front cover of her book (“For women trying to do it all – how to decide what’s important in your life and do it well”), and I wrote down a list of tasks I needed and wanted to complete and then I prioritized them. Now, I’m not sure Shaevitz was talking about vacuuming and making curtains when she used the phrase “what’s important in your life,” but I thought it’d be nice to start small.
Yes, prioritizing (along with the hard-to-find virtue of patience) seemed to be the trick for me. It immediately gave me a purpose and focus. I am not in dyer need of extra furniture right now, so I’ll put painting and distressing at the bottom of the list. My daughter just left a trail of broken pieces of cereal throughout the house, so I’ll place vacuuming at the top (even if I can’t get to it today). Creating a list of prioritized projects seems to be the most efficient way to get things accomplished and not get side-tracked (as much). Plus, you’ll get to see things crossed off that list which is always a stress reliever! This simple tool has helped me become a more focused and productive mom… but not less ambitious!
Now, I’m going to track down a copy of that book and see what it’s all about. At the very least, I’m proud I finally made it to superhero status!
Note: There is also a book, published in 2007 and written by Linda Ellis Eastman, called Overcoming the Superwoman Syndrome. This might be the book to grab!
Yes, couldn’t agree more!