It’s Mother’s Day! YAY! I have two children (a girl who is almost 21 months old and a boy who is almost 3 months old), so I really wasn’t expecting a card, breakfast in bed, or a thoughtful homemade gift from them. But, I WAS hoping that my husband would do something to thank me for all of the motherly work I’ve done this year (because I will definitely be doing something for him on Father’s Day.)
He took my hints and DID do something! You ask why I’m so surprised? It’s because my husband really isn’t a big gift-giver. Have you ever read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? The premise of the book is that there are five different ways you either give or receive love. A person tends to give love in the same way they want to receive it, because that is what is natural for them. If someone else expresses their love in the way you receive it best, you will most likely feel that love. The languages are: 1) Receiving Gifts, 2) Acts of Service, 3) Quality Time, 4) Physical Affection, and 5) Words of Affirmation. I will write a post geared toward this soon.
I don’t think Joel’s primary love language is Receiving Gifts, because if it was, he would probably be more of a gift-giver. The last gift I remember receiving from him was an iPod on my 23rd birthday. I’m about to turn 30. 🙂 Don’t get me wrong, he has definitely done nice things for me since then (flowers, desserts, acts of service, etc.), but he doesn’t seem to focus on the standard gift-giving. By the way, that’s ok! He shows me love in other ways. However, I DO appreciate gifts every… once… in… a… while. 🙂
Last night, we were lucky enough to have a date night. We are part of an amazing babysitting co-op, so we didn’t even have to worry about paying a sitter. WOOP WOOP! Joel made reservations at a great place in downtown Fort Collins called Jay’s Bistro. It’s an upscale restaurant with live jazz. He did this as a surprise for me, because he knows I love music and I love jazz!
Unfortunately, the restaurant called him around 1pm the day-of to let him know that there was a “glitch” in the computer system, and that we actually do not have reservations for that night. Now what?! He made reservations at another upscale restaurant in a nearby city (without involving me in the drama, thankfully). It turned out to be not worth the money we spent, but at least it was a night in which we were able to talk to one another without hearing, “I want that!” or “Down, please! DOWN, PLEASE!” from our toddler. 🙂
Also, when I came home from volunteering in the cafe at church today (GREAT gig!), I found a beautiful yellow bouquet of flowers for me. It was great, and it really lifted my spirits!
Everyone deserves to receive treats on their “special” days — birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s days, Valentine’s Day, etc. What do you do if you need a break or want to enjoy a new something-something these few times a year, but don’t have a spouse who really understands the “Receiving Gifts” love language?
I’ve contemplated this for almost 7 years now, and I think I finally came up with something that will help both the gift-desirer and the non-gift-giver. Why doesn’t the gift-desirer make a list of gift ideas that they would really appreciate, give it to the non-gift-giver, and let them pick what to give and when to give it. This will not only solve the issue by allowing the gift-desirer to receive a gift that they really can appreciate, but it will also relieve the non-gift-giver of the pressure to be creative and also relieve them of their fear of getting the wrong thing.
I posted my list below. My mindset when making this list was, ‘What do I not get to do/have everyday that I would like every once in a while?” You will see that I did not focus on material things. You can make your list how you want, but I think it’s nice to think out of the box. Interestingly enough, my list turned out to have a couple each of “Quality Time,” “Acts of Service,” and “Receiving Gifts”. Interesting… interesting… maybe those are my strongest love languages.
Create one for yourself and share it in the comments! I’d love to steal some of your ideas!
Here’s my list of 10 gifts I would love (first draft), in no particular order 🙂
I think communication is so important. I must admit, my hubby dropped the ball this Mother’s day. Like yours, he is not a gift giver. We never really do gifts. So I did not expect jewelry or flowers. What I did expect was a little more thought or consideration. Like plan one meal for me and cook it. What I got was the same thing I get every day…but he did throw me a solid and helped me plant the garden…he tried to give the girls a bath, but Rebecca threw a tantrum when he told her repeatedly not to drink the water…But saying at 4:00 that “I’m hungry for dinner, do you have something planned?” Just about undid me. So I decided to say something….He felt lousy, and then I felt lousy like I needed to make him feel better for feeling lousy for not being considerate….Marriage is hard, considering your spouses feelings is hard….As disappointed as I was, I have to think about what he did right. He tried to make the kids breakfast when they got up, but they were not hungry then. He planted the garden with me and even cleaned up the mess. We went for a wonderful bike ride with the kids, where my 6 year old rode her own bike and the 3 year old rode on the trail-a-long for the first time.
Thanks for the comment, Ginger! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. GREAT point about thinking about what he did right. It’s hard to remember that, sometimes, but we expect them to do that for us, so we better afford them the same courtesy. 🙂