I read The 5 Love Languages in college… about 9 years ago! Has it been that long?
Although he’s written many other books to hit certain demographics, including The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition, The Five Love Languages of Children, and The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, I believe the information Dr. Gary Chapman provided in this book (meant for spouses) can help in any relationship. 
The idea of this book is for the reader to discover what others can do to make them (the reader) feel loved. For example, do you feel more loved by your significant other when you receive a gift from them or when they tell you how much they appreciate you? Do you feel more loved when you go out for a picnic in a remote place with just each other, when they put their arm around you in public, or when they surprise you by washing your car?
It’s easy to get the lines blurred when you try to figure out which love language you best relate to, because we need all of them! However, Dr. Chapman believes that we do have a primary love language. Once we discover it, we need to share it with our significant other and learn about theirs so that we can effectively fill up each others’ “love tanks”.- First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently, verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.
- What do you complain about most often? When you say to your spouse, “I don’t think you
would ever touch me if I did not initiate it,” you are revealing that Physical Touch is your love language. When your spouse goes on a business trip and you say, “You didn’t bring me anything?” you are indicating that Receiving Gifts is your language. The statement, “We don’t ever spend time together,” indicates the love language of Quality Time. Your complaints reveal your inner desires. (If you have difficulty remembering what you complain about most often, I suggest that you ask your spouse. Chances are they will know.) - What do you request of others most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expresses your desire for Acts of Service.
- Start with all 5 languages and start eliminating ones that you could live without: One husband told Dr. Chapman that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of elimination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.
Words of AffirmationActions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Physical TouchThis language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
Quality TimeIn the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Acts of ServiceCan vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Beautiful book with wise tools that I use in counselling couples…
That’s great, Rider! Is there anything unique you took out of the book that I didn’t mention?
Of the 5 Languages of Love books is there 1 that a teenager could/should read?
Yes! This is the link to the teen-appropriate version: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/the-5-love-languages-of-teenagers/